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getting reacquainted

It is so long since I have walked these corridors. The door hinges were rusty and I forgotten the key to gain entry to the main foyer. However, once recovered from the mossy recesses of my mind, I was greeted by the hollow sound of my footsteps trolling through the hallways. Dust floating on the shafts of light that filter through the grimy window panes. I take a moment to get reacquainted, and now that I am here it is all comes rushing back to me. The late nights I would pour over the keyboard to write some words to share with a passing world, hoping that some accidental tourist may take a moment’s respite to share my story.

I often have dreams about a house – it is a familiar house this dream house, and I am usually wandering through its empty rooms – not necessarily searching for something but more trying to evoke a lost memory, a transient idea, to capture some moment of … comfort. To return to this site is reminiscent of those dreams. Nothing here has changed, but I feel fundamentally changed, and so I have.

My absence here has shadowed a transformation taking place in another world. There has been disintegration and my parting words in Sacrifice was perhaps a premonition of that dark but thankfully temporary journey. I originally wrote that poem – at another time of significant change accompanied with a sense of personal sacrifice.

There has been a conscientious shedding of old habits and from the layers of decay- the timid emergence of a new sense of self discovery. I have shaved off all my hair – and although in doing so raised money for a worthwhile charity, it was a personally symbolic gesture, a mark of transition. I have started drawing and painting again and have attempted subject matters that I would have never contemplated before. I have discovered I can be creative without “my old crutches”. I have finally acknowledged the self abuse I have subjected my body to and now listen to its pleas for healthy food and exercise.

So as much as it is great to be back, I might do some redecorating.